Tuesday, October 31, 2006

And I Don't Know Myself

I did something which I myself dont know if its right or not yesterday. It made me feel happier, it made me feel cared for. But somehow, I feel it's not really right. But if I listen to my heart, I don't feel anything is really wrong with it. You know.. my brain and my heart is contradicting. That's what I've being told and I felt it was true.

What if you had somebody which practically don't mean a thing? What if you had somebody who you call yours but its not really yours? What if you had somebody that you call yours when all the person does is to hurt you more and more?

It's either I stumble and fall again or I just go on as how life will be.

A lost soul with a disturbed mind in search of peace and beauty of life. Heal me, guide me. I need God.

17 comments:

^PuRpLe BuTtErFlY^ said...

www.xanga.com/purple_butterfly1921

u are not alone...i'm suffering too...or might be more...

i might b migrating my blog back 2 blogspot soon..cuz only realized dat non xangans cant leave comments...and i cant even link blogspoters 2 my xanga... lame!!

hang on there n b strong...one of my good fren quoted to me...

"trials and sufferings come from God who uses them to educate and discipline us thru the experience...these things are evidence of God's love for us and need to be looked upon as just that - a molding of character into the lives of those being taught..."

she is a strong christian and trying to help me spiritually now...read http://michelle-kirsten.blogspot.com

^PuRpLe BuTtErFlY^ said...

www.xanga.com/purple_butterfly1921

u are not alone...i'm suffering too...or might be more...

i might b migrating my blog back 2 blogspot soon..cuz only realized dat non xangans cant leave comments...and i cant even link blogspoters 2 my xanga... lame!!

hang on there n b strong...one of my good fren quoted to me...

"trials and sufferings come from God who uses them to educate and discipline us thru the experience...these things are evidence of God's love for us and need to be looked upon as just that - a molding of character into the lives of those being taught..."

she is a strong christian and trying to help me spiritually now...read http://michelle-kirsten.blogspot.com

** stella ** said...

i know. it is a 'path' in life that God wants us to go through in order to make us stronger spiritually and mentally.

but at times.. i know i've done this b4 and regretted before but at the end of the day.. i find myself in the same shit again. u know wat i mean?

like.. i know its wrong at times, but i commit it again. who actually lost their keys, found them and then lost them again? very few. and i'm among those very few.

I didnt listen enough to God's word and I know I'm still not listening.

I might not know ur probz melia but mine is kinda bad too. And best part, nobody knows bout it but juz the other person. Very stressful and very disturbing.

And yet, satisfying when comes to certain point of view of mine. Maybe when time is right, I'll tell you.

aLittleMisfit said...

u dont need god! u need some weed!

^PuRpLe BuTtErFlY^ said...

well u can alwiz tell me...no nid 2 wait for anytime...whenever u feel like telling i will listen for sure...
i'm not doing any good too... everyone has their own prob... in front of ppl we can hehe-haha.. behind when we cry no one but God will know... its apart of life... life is very stressful... now i duno how 2 ask u 2 b strong cuz i am not strong myself...

randy said...

alilmishit, stfu.

-midori- said...

Like Amelia said, everyone has their own problems. We just have to stay strong, brave life's trials and tribulations and remember,

"So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand." - Isaiah 41:10

** stella ** said...

I know. Juz dat like i said above.. who actually lost their keys, found em n den loose em again..

life's full of doubts. Trust plays role everywehre.. it's either u trust or u dont. and when u trust, u either get trusted back or u get conned. so wats d point of trusting? i guess i've gotta stop trusting ppl.

sorry la sista sista sekalian.. me dis few days emo + mental abit.

btw.. who's randy?

oh yeh misfit.. diam la. weed ur head. u can go have it urself.

** stella ** said...

misfit, perhaps u never had to talk to God or even never talked to God before. but pls dont compare it to blardi weed k. isk.

randy said...

mishit think it's funny. Little he realised he got no respect for people.

randy said...

Dear blogger, I do not know you and you certainly do not know me. I am just a random blog hopper. But it irks me when I read those irresponsible remarks made by mishit.

** stella ** said...

Hi Randy,

Thanks for browsing tru my depressed bloggie. hehe.

=)

** stella ** said...

Hi Randy,

Thanks for browsing tru my depressed bloggie. hehe.

=)

-midori- said...

*hugs lalat*

^PuRpLe BuTtErFlY^ said...

lat said --> I know. Juz dat like i said above.. who actually lost their keys, found em n den loose em again..

melia says --> God create humans together with problems so that we humans can learn, and be mature and change our lives...He is here to guide us and i'm sure He does not want us to fail in his many tests...It is true that majority ppl loses their keys, but some didn't at all...some lost and found, some lost and never found them back...some lost and found and lose it again (as u said)..do u think losing ur keys can be determined by we ourselves?? i personally think we could change it..if often lose keys..then be xtra careful next time la...b more protective on ur belongings la...i hope u understd da isi tersirat here, lat...


lat said --> life's full of doubts. Trust plays role everywehre.. it's either u trust or u dont. and when u trust, u either get trusted back or u get conned. so wats d point of trusting? i guess i've gotta stop trusting ppl.

melia says --> everyone has been / will experience mistrusting in their lives... leme ask u, are u gonna stop believing in God if u find ur live is upside dwn? obviously no rite... so dun let those sour memories stop u from trusting, believing and loving... u dun b surprise that many of our close frens dun trust us either... this is juz life..things we give out, rarely we will get it back... but if u stop trusting and keep everthing 2 urself, ppl will eventually stop trusting u too and by d end of the day wat result u get?? being emo n depressed... so u think..issit worth it? if kena from Miss A den dun trust her, go 2 Miss B instead...or Miss C or Miss D...


lat said --> sorry la sista sista sekalian.. me dis few days emo + mental abit.

melia says --> everything happens for a reason...and i personally believe that how we treat others, others will treat us excatly the same too...so what we can do is 2 review back our own attitude and change to be a better person as God has planned for us...its true that every journey we travel often
starts with winding & bumpy roads..towards the end of our destination we shall face a straighter and smoother one...by then we will b satisfied with the experienced we gained and also the beautiful and ugly things we saw along the journey...it made our journey a more meaningful and rememberable one...


as a conclusion...no matter who u dun trust now lat, i can assure u dat u can ALWIZ trust me...if not i wont b wasting my time here, sacrificing my lunch time, typing such a long comment to u...u kno how u felt when u trust others but they do not trust u in return rite? well, think about it!! altho i'm not a christian and i cant help u spiritually, but as ur good fren (if u consider me as one!) i will try 2 help u mentally and emotionally...i kno wat it felt like when u're f*cking depressed and sad and there's no one ard 4 u 2 depend on...i dun want dat 2 happen 2u!!

p/s midori : your quotation is SO TRUE and motivating!!! =))

^PuRpLe BuTtErFlY^ said...

lat said --> I know. Juz dat like i said above.. who actually lost their keys, found em n den loose em again..

melia says --> God create humans together with problems so that we humans can learn, and be mature and change our lives...He is here to guide us and i'm sure He does not want us to fail in his many tests...It is true that majority ppl loses their keys, but some didn't at all...some lost and found, some lost and never found them back...some lost and found and lose it again (as u said)..do u think losing ur keys can be determined by we ourselves?? i personally think we could change it..if often lose keys..then be xtra careful next time la...b more protective on ur belongings la...i hope u understd da isi tersirat here, lat...


lat said --> life's full of doubts. Trust plays role everywehre.. it's either u trust or u dont. and when u trust, u either get trusted back or u get conned. so wats d point of trusting? i guess i've gotta stop trusting ppl.

melia says --> everyone has been / will experience mistrusting in their lives... leme ask u, are u gonna stop believing in God if u find ur live is upside dwn? obviously no rite... so dun let those sour memories stop u from trusting, believing and loving... u dun b surprise that many of our close frens dun trust us either... this is juz life..things we give out, rarely we will get it back... but if u stop trusting and keep everthing 2 urself, ppl will eventually stop trusting u too and by d end of the day wat result u get?? being emo n depressed... so u think..issit worth it? if kena from Miss A den dun trust her, go 2 Miss B instead...or Miss C or Miss D...


lat said --> sorry la sista sista sekalian.. me dis few days emo + mental abit.

melia says --> everything happens for a reason...and i personally believe that how we treat others, others will treat us excatly the same too...so what we can do is 2 review back our own attitude and change to be a better person as God has planned for us...its true that every journey we travel often
starts with winding & bumpy roads..towards the end of our destination we shall face a straighter and smoother one...by then we will b satisfied with the experienced we gained and also the beautiful and ugly things we saw along the journey...it made our journey a more meaningful and rememberable one...


as a conclusion...no matter who u dun trust now lat, i can assure u dat u can ALWIZ trust me...if not i wont b wasting my time here, sacrificing my lunch time, typing such a long comment to u...u kno how u felt when u trust others but they do not trust u in return rite? well, think about it!! altho i'm not a christian and i cant help u spiritually, but as ur good fren (if u consider me as one!) i will try 2 help u mentally and emotionally...i kno wat it felt like when u're f*cking depressed and sad and there's no one ard 4 u 2 depend on...i dun want dat 2 happen 2u!!

p/s midori : your quotation is SO TRUE and motivating!!! =))

** stella ** said...

lol. im already being protective but humans tend to give in quite alot. lol. esp. me. lol i know.. im a weak soul. seriously. i need to change. from weak to batu soul like piggie.

bout trusting, i've learn to not fully trust people. i choose who to trust and wat to to tell. Coz, in a corner of the heart, there's always a part where u dont really trust someone. Not fully, but partially.esp, working coll. some of em have spears with them, juz waiting for time to stab. :)

anyway melia.. thanx for ur thoughts. *huggies*