A Familiar Feeling

I was in Seremban today. Carrying a cheque of RM124,032.00 back to KL. I was happy. I was happy I found Mr. D as my latest client, a very unexpected one and yet a very nice one indeed. One of the nicer clients one can ask for. But, somehow or rather... the enjoyment had it's limits. It has a barrier.

I reached home at 6 in the evening. As my usual, stuck my hands into my laptop bag and pulled out my white lil laptop and log on to P1. I was dead tired, thus, I tugged myself onto bed for abit. And, all of a sudden, I got up at 8.30pm and I walked straight to my lappie.

And, I had this familiar feeling, that I rather not have.

A feeling that I'm all alone in this world. A feeling that makes me wonder if anyone really cared. A form of loneliness that I sense from and around me. A feeling that I wanna hide from the rest of the world in order for me to not feel vulnerable, to not feel sympathized, but to be felt as confident and full of strength. A smile that I put on when I see an individual, anyone, anybody. A smile that hides away all the vulnerability in me, that hides away all the fear in me. A smile that can make others smile while I cry from within. And, nobody knows.

That is the familiar feeling that I rather not have. A feeling of being lost with no directions. A feeling, nobody wants to have.